The More I Try

I can't control things.  My kids' choices.

When I try to control things they get out of hand, I get frustrated and disgruntled and resentful.

I want to control situations that arise, but I can't.

I know I cannot keep my kids safe all the time.

I know they have to make their own choices and mistakes.  I know I can be there to lift them back up, but they will have to fall.

I know all this.  But I don't want it to happen.

As a mom, as a parent, at least for me, I want my kids to succeed.  I want my kids to be able to learn from my mistakes.

But I know they won't.  I know that is a dream and not reality.

So here is my problem.

Is it okay to still think about it?  Is it okay to want something but ultimately know that the only one in control is God?

I can want something but know that my want is so much smaller than God's will, so ultimately, my want is wasted energy.  Right?

Am I anywhere near the right path?

I can hope my kids make good decisions, and as long as I don't have expectations of the end result and I know and pray and give it to God, His will will be done.

The choices I make and my kids make will mold them into the people they are to become.  I have to make sure my heart is open to God's word and will.

I just want my kids to be okay.  I want better for them than what I did, the choices I made.

So I pray for them.  I pray they make good choices and they listen for God to guide them.  I pray for their safety.

And I pray that God gives me the strength to be the best mom I can be.  The best sober mom I can be.

Because being a mom is hard.

And I pray for me to be nice to myself.  I am my own biggest critic.



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