The Struggle is Real

In my head, I cannot, for the life of me, keep my thoughts clear.  They keep getting muddied and boggled.  I keep forgetting what I tell people.

I am sober.

But I cannot contain my thoughts.  At all.  I can't get them organized.  I can't focus.

I jump from one topic to another.  Miss things at work.  Things that I shouldn't.

It is all just moving so fast.  I just wnat to be able to focus on one thing.  To not have to be doing 5 things at once so I do all of them half way and nothing to my potentional.

Prayer

I've been praying.

A lot.

I feel like I am praying all the time.

Your will, not mine, be done.  Your will.  Not mine.  Over and over and over.  Because I always want to grab control.  I want to make it happen.

But where do you make it happen and let it happen?  Where is that distinction?  How will I know?

I keep having these weird thoughts.  People breaking into the house.  But I don't know why.  Do I not feel safe?

Probably not.  I have no idea what my husband would do if we were in danger.  Should I know?  Should I just have faith he would be there to help protect us?

Or does all of that faith belong with God?

Probably the latter.

It is the latter.

through Him all things are possible.