Writing and Delivering

I am working on my 9th step.  Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when do to so would injure them or others.

This part is hard.  Not that I am unwilling, because I am more than willing.  But because I cry whenever I think of all the pain and hurt I caused and the peace of mind I stole.

I am so willing to make amends.  To show I am working the program and I am going to be the best person I can possibly be today.  Because tomorrow always becomes today.

I think I have been being hard on myself lately.  I feel like I'm failing as a mom.  I am trying so hard to find the middle ground of not being so controlling, but also not letting them (the kids) get away with everything.  There are so many habits I have to break.  I know I have to take it one day at a time, but I just don't know if I'm doing it right.

I have to make amends to my kids and my husband.  My siblings and my parents.  There are some other people as well.  But those are first.

And that's a lot.

So please pray for me.  With me.  Pray that I will let God be in control and he will guide me to do His will when parenting, and being a good person, in general.

I just want to be the best person I can be.  I want to be the best parent I can be.

I am just so scared I am going to mess it all up.