Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

This is step 2.

I grew up Christian.  Lutheran.  Of course I believe in a power greater than myself.  Of course He can bring me back to sanity.  If I ever really had sanity.  Before, during or after drinking.

I believed in this Power.  This God.

But I didn't trust Him.  How could I?  So many bad things had happened on His watch.  Only I could control what was happening.

But I couldn't.  I couldn't control it.  Because if I could control it, I wouldn't be in AA.

So for me, steps 2 and 3 go hand in hand.  Step 3 is Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 

So not only did I have to accept that I was doing insane things, I had to turn my will and life over to Him.

So I had my first relapse.  I was 3 weeks into meetings.  3 weeks sober.  Looking forward so much to my 30 days.  And I thought I had it. I thought it was so easy.

Then I wasn't praying.  I wasn't going to meetings.  I was relying on me.  Not my sponsor, not my fellow AA attendees.  Me.

So I had my bottle of liquor.  I woke up the next day with shame and guilt.  How could I do this?  I thought I could control it.  I.  I.  I.  I cannot do it.  I have to have help.  He has to guide me and take away everything from me.

One of my favorite movie quotes is:

 "Everybody listen up! The Gridiron is a football field. On the Gridiron, we do it my way, not your way. Your way got you here. Whatever gang you claim, whatever hood you're from, this is your hood now." 


 This is from The Gridiron Gang.  I know I am not in a gang or in a youth center for violent offenders.  I am not a teenager.  I am a grown woman.  So I should be able to control myself, right?


But I can't.

So I am admitting I am powerless.  I need His help to bring me back to sanity.  

I get on my knees every morning and every night now.  And I pray.  I pray that I can do His will.  I pray He will keep me sober.  I pray he will make me a better person.

I keep praying, and I'm staying sober.  I keep going to meetings, and I'm staying sober.  I talk to my sponsor, and I'm staying sober.

I am being honest with myself and my family and friends and to my Higher Power.

I am thankful to be sober.  I am thankful for my family.  And most of all, I am thankful for my God.