I Don't Have to Drink

before i started going to AA, i found any reason i could to drink.  hell, i didn't even need a reason.  i just wanted to drink to get away.  i was so over the taste of alcohol by the end of my drinking, i just wanted something to make me not feel any more.

so for the past 6 weeks I have been going to meetings, 5-6 meetings a week.  i had my slip up during my first week 3.  this week 3 one of my ladies is in the hospital.  

i say one of my ladies because she is an older lady from my church who helps out tons and whom i love dearly.  she is like a gramma to me.  just...someone who is tough as nails and so strong and has been through so much.  i look up to her so much.  she's one of my ladies.  she comes to tuesday morning bible class.  she helps fold bulletins.  she helps with meals at various times.  i love her.

i am so sad though.  because she is in congestive heart failure.  she has such a will to live.  and this sucks.  

i am so blessed i have been able to have her in my life.  that she has touched me so much.  but i am so sad.  

7 weeks ago, i would have bought a bottle or 2 and sat at home drinking tonight.  

but i'm not going to.

i'm going to say some prayers because i know i can.  i'm going to go to a meeting because i know i can.  and i'm going to make sure i tell my loved ones i love them.

i don't need to drink.  i don't want to drink.  or at least, i don't want to drink to lose myself.  

a jack and coke sounds good.  just for the taste.  but i know i can't do just one.

so here is to my new love.  coke zero with cherry and vanilla.  thank you sonic.