Gratitude. Thankfulness. Blessings.

Tonight was a good meeting.

Tonight was about gratitude.

I am so thankful.  I am thankful for my new relationship with God.  For a relationship I never had.

I had gone to church for most of my life.  I believed in God.  Or so I thought.

I never truly believed God was really there for me.  If He was, why did he allowed my uncle to abuse me for so many years.  Why did He give me a biological mom who couldn't take care of herself.

I was so angry.  But I hid it.  I said I was thankful it happened to me and not my little sister.  Or at least my other little sister got our mom when she was older.  I tried and tried to make myself okay with my past.

But I couldn't.   I was so angry.  I didn't WANT to forgive.  It made me so angry for so many years,  I just didn't want to feel any more.

So on to the gratitude. 

All through this, my dad and step mom stood by me.  They had no idea I was drinking as much as I was...but they heard me on my rants and saw my anger.  They were not saints by any means.  We all have our issues.  How they dealt with my abuse was not okay, however they didn't know the whole truth until I was wasted one night in my late 20s.  But they never gave up on me.  God never gave up on me.  If they would have, I wouldn't be writing this. 

So my gratitude to for my parents and my God.

And for AA. 

I still have a lot to work through.   And I have to work through sober.  But I can do this. By the grace of God,  and support, I will do this.