Daddy Daughter Dances and Recovery's Blessings

My life is amazing.

I never would have thought, could have imagined, my life as it is today had I not chosen to face my problems.  Had I not become so sick and tired of being sick and tired I would either be dead or divorced, with no one.

Eight months ago I chose to get help.  Seven months ago I turned my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand him, and I have never looked backed.  My life is exponentially better.  A life I never even dared to imagine.

I am happy.  My kids are happy.  My husband is happy.

Husband and I on a rare night out AND he let me take a picture with him!

I have a relationship with my husband I never thought possible.  We talk and laugh and make love, and it isn't a chore, something we think we should do but don't want to do.  I love my husband and want to support him now, instead of resenting him.  He doesn't yell as often and is quick to help me out and get me little just because gifts.  Not that I need them, but sometimes a bag of chex mix is all a girl really needs.

My kids look forward to morning prayer before school, even if it is a short "Thank you for all you have given us and for waking us up this morning.  Thank you for choosing us to be a family.  Please watch over all of our family in all we do so that we do Your will and not our own.  Help us to not be selfish and self centered, but do for others instead.  In Your name we pray, Amen".  And when I hear the echoed "Amen" beside and behind me, I know we are on the right path.

Young Man Child and his desire for a shirt and tie makes my heart melt.
Turning into such a wonderful young man.

I never would have had this life without going to meetings and embracing the steps.  I never would have known this happiness and joy.  I never would have stopped to say, even when my kids are being less than stellar, "Enjoy this, embrace it, because it is going to be over before you know it and you're going to miss it.."  I get to embrace it all today.

Life is not always easy.  I have internal conflict all the time.  External as well.  Brushing the wee one's hair this morning (she's 9) was not fun and I was not my best self in trying to do so.  But I acknowledged my wrong, apologized and asked for forgiveness, while also letting her know that while she probably didnt' want to have her hair brushed and put up, blatently disregarding my instructions without using any type of verbal communication to express her desire was not acceptable and I can't read her mind.  Plus, I wasn't too fond of her going to school with a rat's nest on her head.  We resolved the conflict though.  Without tears and cursing.  I know that probably doesn't seem like a big deal to others, but for our family, that is huge.

Yesterday I made a decision after much prayer to leave the church I have been attending, the church I work for.  I felt like I was breaking up with my boyfriend (the church) and disappointing my father (Pastor/boss) all at the same time.  I know these feelings are because I am such a people pleaser, but I feel so much better.  I dont' have to be ashamed I didn't go to church that Sunday.  It is okay.  I also told them that when I go to church, I want it to be church, not work.  Since I work at and attend the same church, whenever I would go in for worship, I would also be asked to do work things.  I needed that time away.

And tonight.  Tonight my wee one has her first Father/Daughter Dance.  She is so excited!  I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take her.  For opting to take her rather than go to a meeting he had been planning on.  His desire to be a better husband and father makes my heart swoon for him.  His love of God and Jesus brings our relationship to a whole new level, a level I cannot believe we lived without before.

The Wee One's first heels.  Daddy was okay with this.  I was not.
She's not allowed to grow up!  Actual picture of said child in much too
grown-up clothing on the next post!

I am so blessed to have this family.  I am blessed that my path has led me here.  I cannot take back my past, but I am certainly able to learn from it.  And run with what has been given to me.

My alcoholism will not define me as a person.  My recovery depends on my wanting to make myself and my family better.  My wonderful life today is contingent upon my willingness to have a spiritually fit life.  I will choose spirituality and sobriety as a road to recovery every single day if it means my life can only get better from here.

Teenage Daughter often lets me model my new projects on her.  She's so gorgeous!